Posted in 100, The Truth

Dating Application

Dating these days is like believing that you have a talent but you keep failing at it. You continuously are trying to figure out if you’re any good at it. For us women, it’s even harder trying to weed through the bad guys just to “settle” for a decent one. Sometimes, we simply give in and give up on finding that realistic match.

For an educated woman, we want to simply find a partner that is independent in his financial stability and inclusive in his emotional and physical support. This sounds complicated but it’s actually quite simple. Its simple enough for you to google what it means and figure it out.

I have been on numerous dates within this year and they have all, with the exception of maybe two, sucked major ass. I have either not been physically attracted to them or extremely turned off by their ignorance and narcissism. I have even questioned myself as to whether or not I was a good match or even good at dating. I started to question myself because I noticed that I attracted certain men. I either attracted older men, who have been married twice and are near their first heart attack or I attract guys who are fascinated by a woman’s body image and his own selfishness.

So, I’ve decided to just be upfront while on a date to save time and effort from introducing myself to an asshole. Here are the five essential questions to ask while on a first date.

  1. How old are you? (Age helps with understanding his mentality)
  2. Who do you live with? (Understanding independence)
  3. Where do you work and is it full-time? (Understanding values)
  4. Do you have any children? (Possible baby mama issues)
  5. Do you drive and own a vehicle? (Understanding dependability)

I have often not asked these simple questions and have been bamboozled while in the relationship. There are different types of women and all women date differently. Some women are more tolerant of certain men and some women cringe at the thought of “taking care of a man”. I fit in the second category. This is not an attack on men because they are also women who fit in the same category.

If you are a no non-sense, take action kind of woman then this article is for you. You have goals, tasks to complete, people to network with, appointments to get to, homework to do, work (employer) to catch up on and errands to run. You have structure in your life and you really don’t have the patience to teach a “Man” how to date you. So, just weed through them all with the five essential dating application questions. You’re Welcome!

Posted in 100, Weekly VIBEZ

My Name is Petty

Here is back to all the ex-boyfriend stuff but this time I’m serving a little tea. Now, I’m not the one to tell a tall tale but every now and then, I can’t help myself. I also believe that if you’re reading this then you have been guilty of doing the same thing. You’re guilty of being petty.

Picture this: Your boyfriend/girlfriend breaks up with you for unspecified reasons and you’re trying to deal with it. Some people self medicate, some people simply move on and others just hide it very well. The others who hide it very well are the one’s who are most guilty of being petty. Here are some things you do that make you this way.

  1. You remain friends on social media
  2. You immediately change their name in your phone (Bae=Bitch)
  3. You threaten your friends to break off any and all contact with him/her
  4. You social media stalk all their pages
  5. You post indirect Facebook statuses about them
  6. You now talk down about them to anyone willing to listen
  7. You post a lot of pictures looking good just for them to see

Petty runs in your blood and it probably runs deep. I would have never thought I would be this person but I guess this is what happens when you truly love someone. The part that often bothers me is the getting back with your ugly ex. It’s one thing that you dated such a person but it’s an entirely different circumstance when you see their posts about them being together again. That makes me think that you all were in contact while we were in a relationship. So, what’s a girl to do?

In the end, just know that you tried and it didn’t work out because it probably was not meant to be. The petty will come and go and for most people, it will stay. It’s all part of healing and getting over your broken heart. For the people who are not so good at showing emotion, they are suffering the worst. I can say that from experience. Until then, I will try to keep my petty in and my shade trapped.

Confession time!!!!  What’s the most petty thing you’ve done after a break-up?

Posted in The Truth, Weekly VIBEZ

An X is an EX

I used to think that I was extremely mean to guys and I did not give them a fair chance at shooting their shots. Now I know why I was mean! Guys want to shoot their shots even if you all are no longer on the same court.

Being cordial and being a complete jerk are two different things but they usually end up being one in the same. When it comes to most of my ex boyfriends, I mainly feel this way. PSA: I’m not interested in ever getting back with you so don’t even waste your time. I can be terribly pleasant to you and even entertain everyone amongst a group of friends. I can hold an influential conversation with you while reminiscing about the good old days of our past. Ohhh but please be conscious that I probably despise you and your lack of manhood.

If your relationship did not work out then that’s the end of that. What if it has been a few tears and both parties have seemingly changed? If this is the case then you should give it another chance. Great things happen with second and third chances. However, if you were given a fifth, sixth, seventh and eight chance then your ass should be put on the “DO NOT EVER THINK ABOUT OR CONTACT ME LIST”. Going back to an old relationship often gives one hope that things can revert back to the way they were. People often think about the good times and convincingly tends to have no recollection of the bad. When I’ve had more bad times than good; as the Spanish say, ADIOS!

I can count on my hands the number of times that I have gotten back with an ex. Be it for pleasure or because I truly had faith that it would work; I just can’t see myself repeating this same behavior. I don’t doubt that some of my ex-boyfriends are really good guys. I just don’t think that they have maturated in MEN.

I have been watching so much Oprah and Iyanla: Fix My Life that I truly believe that I have fixed myself and grown spiritually and mentally. I’m not a person of many chances but if you have somehow managed to get more than two chances out of me then you should know that you’re the asshole who messed up. I’m not perfect by an inch but I’m a decimal away from being the woman you wish you had.

Question at hand is: Have you taken an ex back and if so, why?

Posted in 100, The Truth, Weekly VIBEZ

He Cheated and I Saw Him

Friends! How many of us have them? That is the question that has been asked for over 20 years but no one has seemed to find a conclusive answer. When you have real friends, do you even know that they are your REAL friends. We are all waiting for the real answer but most importantly, the big question.

Picture this: You’re at a concert with a friend and the both of you are talking and laughing hysterically. One friend peeps something odd and grabs your arm tightly. You peep what the friend see’s and the both of you grab each other while simultaneously clutching your pearls. You saw it and you know you saw it because you could not have seen anything else.

You saw your mutual friend’s man walking past with another woman on his arm. You saw him caress the smalls of her back while staring you in the face. You saw him immediately put his head down and stare at the ground as he realized who you were. YOU SAW HIM! You saw him without your friend.

As true and real friends, you deliberate on whether to call up your girl and tell her what you saw. One person has been chosen to do the dirty deed. You decide to text because a phone conversation seems to scare you a little. You tell your friend about her cheating boyfriend and you describe the scenario from top to bottom.

You expect to be the shoulder that will be needed for comfort and instead you get “What was he wearing and what color were his shoes”. Bitch, I made a conscious decision to inform you about this no count dude and all you can ask about is the color of his shoes.

The boyfriend denies that it was ever him and the friend believes him. Once again, they are Facebook happy and all in love and shit. You are extremely livid, not because she took him back but simply because you are the most genuine and honest friend that she has and she called you a LIAR.

Question being: If you saw your friend’s spouse clearly cheating, would you tell your friend?

Posted in The Truth

Dating In Chicago

As a young and single African-American woman, dating should be fun and easy. Instead, it is an excruciating job interview that is going terribly wrong. You want to give up midway through and block that person from any and all contact with you. So, let’s talk about why dating is so difficult in this city.

In the city of Chicago, I often find myself gathering information on people who I don’t even know. I know about other relationships and cheating scandals, affairs, failed marriages and one night stands. These same men and women who are part of these scandals are the one’s who you usually end up on a date with.

After I graduated from college and started working towards my M.B.A., I really began dating again. I was made out to seem stuck up and too independent because I had these things going for myself. I simply ask a guy what is his occupation and who does he live with and here comes the lies and the insecurities. I should not be made out to feel like I’m asking too much of you. I definitely don’t do guys with major insecurities.

Dating in this city is difficult because the only guys available are left over baby daddies and cheating husbands. These men usually don’t have any idea of what stability looks like and has very little to offer in a relationship. Here are a list of problems that a young single woman here might incur when dating a city guy:

  • Lives with his mother/baby’s mother/Grandma
  • Has  multiple children
  • Does not have a valid license
  • Wants to borrow your car
  • Does not have a car
  • Does not know what it means to date you
  • Usually needs to borrow money from you
  • Not Educated
  • Wants to move in with you

This list can go on and on but I’d prefer not to bash them any more than what I already have. So, because I think that as a 28-35 year old man, you should have your own place, job, car, and money; I’m the problem and I’m being unrealistic. At this point, I’d rather date someone’s grandfather.

Dating up north versus down south is completely different and I’ve noticed so. In the south, a good majority of the men are respectful and chivalrous. They are stable, financially and mentally, and most are ready to settle down and start a family. I’m stuck with the guy who started a family and couldn’t stop.

I don’t know what’s in the water here in Chicago but I really need the Mayor or Governor to filter that shit. I just want to go on a nice and simple date with a MAN who has his shit together.

Dear Man Who Has His Shit Together,

Where are you and can you please meet me somewhere.

Posted in The Truth

My Name is _________ and I’m an Addict!

Every other person that I know is addicted to social media and does not even recognize that they are. There are hundreds of different social media sites and people have on average five different social media accounts. I hate going out with my friends simply because they no longer know how to have real fun. Every second of every minute is spent with their faces buried in their phones, scrolling through Instagram and Facebook. No one knows how to have a conversation, so it’s pure silence at the table. Instead, everyone is pulling out their phones, wanting to make videos of nothingness and take terrible pictures.

I asked 26 of my friends if they could honestly give up their phones for one day and only 5 answered yes. ONE DAY! Some people can barely go one hour without logging on to one of their social media accounts. IT’S EVERYWHERE!Addiction

I have been to concerts, stage plays, church, comedy shows, graduations, and to the movie theater. I have also seen people logged on to social media sites at any given times during all of these outings. Why are you scrolling through Facebook while in the Movie Theater? You just spent $15 on a 3-D movie to actually read someone else’s status on Facebook for 2 ½ hours. That sounds like an issue/addiction to me.

Here’s a test: Only use your phone if someone calls or texts you. Otherwise do not use any internet. If you feel yourself wanting to touch your phone, log on to Instagram, make a funny video for Vine, or read a stranger’s Facebook status, then you have a problem. It’s called “I’m addicted to social media and I really like the attention that I get”. Put a group of people in a room and take away all technology. What do you get? Silence! Those same people are probably thinking about what’s going on in social media land and what are they missing. Social Media is a new drug! Everyone is itching and scratching to log on.

Posted in The Truth

STUCK

You know that weird feeling in the pit of your stomach? The feeling that you have when you’ve done something wrong! “Why is the sky moving so fast”, paranoia feeling. Well, do you know that feeling? Further details provided below.

One day, I’m sitting in the house binge watching all three season’s of United States of Tara and the next minute I’m crying because I just wanted an anchor. I just wanted someone to hold me down.

There he was, standing at my front door, waiting to taste the rum and coke on my tongue. He grabbed me swiftly and kissed me passionately, I saw dogs peddling on scooters and Ellen Degeneres in a real dress. It was something like I had never imagined. He held the smalls of my back and caressed my neck as if he was ready to say “I Do”. I kissed him back so good that I felt him stumble. Or maybe he just lost his balance!

Then I got that feeling. The “Why is the Sahara Dessert so lonely and dry” feeling. The “Why are there no purple cats in the world” feeling, It was a feeling of complete paranoia. It was as if my gut had just fallen out of my mind. I was head over heels.

We stopped! Well, I stopped before he went to far and like a gentleman, he stopped and escorted himself out. I closed my door behind him and stood in the middle of my kitchen floor wondering why were red spots floating through the air. This weird thing that had suddenly taken over me, that made me feel zombie like, or vampire in love was actually love. I had the best face sucking contest with this MAN and he made me fall in love with his kiss.

I was stuck! Stuck in the middle of my floor! Stuck in love!

Kiss