Posted in 100, The Truth

Dating Application

Dating these days is like believing that you have a talent but you keep failing at it. You continuously are trying to figure out if you’re any good at it. For us women, it’s even harder trying to weed through the bad guys just to “settle” for a decent one. Sometimes, we simply give in and give up on finding that realistic match.

For an educated woman, we want to simply find a partner that is independent in his financial stability and inclusive in his emotional and physical support. This sounds complicated but it’s actually quite simple. Its simple enough for you to google what it means and figure it out.

I have been on numerous dates within this year and they have all, with the exception of maybe two, sucked major ass. I have either not been physically attracted to them or extremely turned off by their ignorance and narcissism. I have even questioned myself as to whether or not I was a good match or even good at dating. I started to question myself because I noticed that I attracted certain men. I either attracted older men, who have been married twice and are near their first heart attack or I attract guys who are fascinated by a woman’s body image and his own selfishness.

So, I’ve decided to just be upfront while on a date to save time and effort from introducing myself to an asshole. Here are the five essential questions to ask while on a first date.

  1. How old are you? (Age helps with understanding his mentality)
  2. Who do you live with? (Understanding independence)
  3. Where do you work and is it full-time? (Understanding values)
  4. Do you have any children? (Possible baby mama issues)
  5. Do you drive and own a vehicle? (Understanding dependability)

I have often not asked these simple questions and have been bamboozled while in the relationship. There are different types of women and all women date differently. Some women are more tolerant of certain men and some women cringe at the thought of “taking care of a man”. I fit in the second category. This is not an attack on men because they are also women who fit in the same category.

If you are a no non-sense, take action kind of woman then this article is for you. You have goals, tasks to complete, people to network with, appointments to get to, homework to do, work (employer) to catch up on and errands to run. You have structure in your life and you really don’t have the patience to teach a “Man” how to date you. So, just weed through them all with the five essential dating application questions. You’re Welcome!

Posted in The Truth, Weekly VIBEZ

Young Black Women and the Power Complex

Your alarm clock goes off at 6 am, as you roll over and smash the snooze button. You look at the ceiling as you whisper, “Fuck that job”. You get up anyway and get ready for a good day’s work. When you arrive to work, it’s generally a good morning especially since you’ve had a good cup of brew.

In walks Donna, your supervisor, who happens to be a black woman! NO good morning, no how’s everybody doing, and definitely no noticing that other people exist. That’s when you know what kind of day it’s going to be.

You’re sitting at your desk, doing actual work, and you get called into the supervisor’s office. For what? No clear answer!

Personally, I have noticed a few differences about working with black women who have positions of higher authority in the workplace. Black women ages 25-40 are moving upwards in their companies ranking. The positions of supervisor, director, manager or coordinator are an automatic ego boost and they use these positions to garner control over their employee’s. You can voice a concern but it is overlooked because you are less than 30 and apparently oblivious to all things sensible. If you are very outspoken or personable, then you become a target. You are singled out all the time and micromanagement ensues and literally brings you to your boiling point.

Younger black women seem to think that everything at work is a competition. From the clothes they wear to their hairstyles, it is no longer about work but rather, do I look better than her? If you are secure in yourself and your supervisor is not, it becomes a personal issue. You don’t understand why you are being bullied or harassed by your supervisor but you keep hearing rumors. “Donna is mad that the new girl came in and all the attention is on her now. Donna told Tiffany that the new girl was sleeping with Chris”. You learn that your supervisor has been trying to get with Chris for a year and you come in and grab his attention in 3 months. Apparently, holding conversation with a male co-worker means that you are screwing him. Are you supposed to be less personable to please your supervisor? I THINK NOT!

It is no longer an issue of work but becomes a personal issue. Young black women hate to admit it but they have a jealousy complex with their counterpart. You are automatically profiled and put into a box. It becomes an issue of jealousy from the start. If you have a beaming personality but your manager has self-esteem issues, you will suffer. Seemingly, you can’t be the new girl at work that everyone gets along with. That’s a blow to your manager’s self-esteem and her level of jealousy rises.

Do you know Miss Petty who lives on Shade Lane? Every other Friday, there is a mandatory staff meeting. This meeting addresses rules at work, better managing your workload, and rumors. The supervisor is addressing rumors but never uses a specific name. You feel as if she is talking about you. What happens when the outspoken new girl raises her hand to address the rumor with her supervisor? The meeting is suddenly adjourned and the pettiness begins. You have been subjected to supervisions, written up for being disrespectful and have been issued a new set of work rules, all within a week. Your other co-workers have no clue about supervisions and that’s when you figure out

that it’s just you. You have to check in twice a day, you have been told to move your desk, and you are no longer allowed to converse with male employees. Where in the handbook are these specific rules because I did not see them?

These kinds of issues carry over into your personal life because it lingers throughout your daily thoughts. It becomes a challenge trying to separate work from your personal life. Every day, you find yourself coming home to a nice big glass of wine. You consult with your friends and learn that you are in fact the target.

No person wants to deal with this every work day. It’s stressful, overwhelming and becomes the deciding factor in only wanting to work with a specific race of women. It is not just the one experience but becomes another to add to the list.

This is not to say that all young black women behave this way in the workplace but rather to focus on the issue of those that do. What is the real issue?