This week in musical discoveries, I stumbled upon the album “Morning After” by the group “DVSN”. I honestly first heard of the group early last year when I heard one of their songs on the radio. It sounded like real music. I was an instant fan! With melodic ballads that will heighten your senses and simply enlighten you, "Morning After" feeds the soul. The first single on the album, "Run Away", puts you in a trance as you imagine yourself running through an open field of lilies and soaking up the freedom of you. The song "Think About Me" fills you with thought and goes great with a cocktail. "P.O.V." gives you throwback glory (Maxwell) wrapped in sensuousness. DVSN manages to keep your attention throughout the entire album, not needing to skip any song. Do yourself a favor and add "Morning After" by DVSN to your rotation.
Growth is inevitable and some people won’t be able to understand that. You don’t have to explain to someone why you no longer desire to stoop to their level of being. You have simply experienced the spirit of growth. What you used to love is now something that you can barely tolerate. Don’t doubt that you’ve grown.
You will definitely be called lame, old, boring, or different. You might find yourself sitting alone on your couch trying to figure out if you did something wrong. You might feel guilty about no speaking about your feelings out loud to that particular group of people or person. You owe no explanation other than, “I’ve outgrown you”.
It’s not something to be afraid of. Activities that used to highly entertain you now feel like a chore or obligation. You would rather stay home, cook, and catch up on some of your favorite shows. You now actually would rather just chill at your best friends house and have pizza and beer. That’s your new type of entertainment.
There are certain people that you don’t like being around anymore. They drain all of your energy. They make you feel parental with all of their burdens that they place on you. You feel incompetent at times because of how they choose to speak to you or how they never own up to anything. You’re not better than them. You have simply outgrown them. Your tolerance for ignorance and susceptibility has depleted. The energy that you have now is something that you must preserve.
If you find yourself always questioning your decisions when “That person or those people” are around then it’s time to move on from them. You don’t even question yourself that much. Have you realized that you have been more of the stable friend versus the other way around? Can you depend on that person as much as they depend on you? Will they show up for you as much as you show up for them?
You are not meant to stay stagnant all of your life. Growth is the next step on your journey of finding your inner and outer peace. Accepting that some people will not continue on that journey with you is going to be difficult. If you love yourself then you will find the strength and courage to move on.
There is a true complex when it comes to dating. There are the issues of communication, honesty, faithfulness, etc. Sometimes, you have all of these things and yet something still feels as if it is missing. That something is usually a real connection.
Inclusive of myself, the struggle with dating the nice guy is that there is usually a lack of connection. This is not to blame on the guy or girl but rather an issue that is self-reflective. Sometimes, you simply know what and who you are looking for. All of the time, you should know what you are attracted to.
Turning away the nice guy can seem very trivial to most because that is usually the guy who meets all of the criteria on your checklist. Your closest friends and family may even begin to judge you for your lack of consideration and letting go of a “Good Man”. However, you are the only person who truly know’s what it is that makes you happy and you will know when you feel it.
The nice guy pays for all of the dates, he picks you up, he sends flowers to your job and he is very respectful to you at all times. He plans ahead, he makes himself available when you need help and even wants to be the person you call first during trying times. It sounds perfect, except for the part where you simply don’t connect with him emotionally or physically. What do you do?
So many people force themselves into relationships because of the materialistic offerings. Also, so many people are miserable in these same relationships because they never really truly connected with their partner.
Don’t feel like you’re broken if you continue to date but usually are not interested in any of them. You’re not broken, you’re unique! You are one of the few people who really know what love is because you feel it before you see it.
Don’t settle for the guy because he is nice! Wait for your love! There is no telling how long the wait might be but when you feel it, everything is brighter. I’ve figured this out about myself. I’ve been on plenty of dates within the last eight months and not once have I felt connected to any of them. I thought something was wrong with me at first but I realized that I’m just a rare commodity.
I do not enter relationships based on what I see but rather what I feel. When I feel it, I will know.
When you think of growth, you think of all sorts of things. Particularly, I think of the growth of one’s edges. I often like to welcome them back. In this instance, the type of growth that I’m referring to is maturity. When you look back on your younger self, are you embarrassed or ashamed of who you were then? I’ll raise my hand for all of you.
Being that I’m still young and under thirty, some people (Older) would probably disagree with growth at this age and reference that “I still have a lot to learn”. I won’t disagree with that part, however, I have learned a lot in the past five years about myself. Relationships, whether they are friendships, partnerships, or personal relationships, have been quite the area of growth for me. Let’s do a little bullet point presentation of some of the things that I’ve simply grown out of over the past five years.
- Pleasing people
- Fake friends
- Broke ass dudes
- Dudes with several children
- Dudes with no jobs
- Dudes with no ambition
- Did I mention “Not giving a f**k about other’s opinions”
This list can literally go on into a dissertation entitled “How I Stopped Giving A F**k and Stacked My Money Up”. Honestly, five years ago, I was a complete mess. I was very naive and easily manipulated. I was quick to please and slow to catch on. I wanted to please everyone around me and I wanted attention for all the wrong reasons. Fresh out of college, I found myself doing a lot of things that I now regret. I was dating the wrong guys and befriending some of the wrong people. Fast forward to five years later and I’m absolutely enamored with the woman who I’ve become. I know better and I do better; not because of wanting to please others but because better feels good to me.
I’m better in my friendships, partnerships, and I’m still growing in the relationship area. However, I know I’m better in that also. I’m doing better with those things. Maturity is one hell of a drug!
If you could give your 22/23-year-old self advice now, what would be the main point that you would want your younger self to know?
Dating these days is like believing that you have a talent but you keep failing at it. You continuously are trying to figure out if you’re any good at it. For us women, it’s even harder trying to weed through the bad guys just to “settle” for a decent one. Sometimes, we simply give in and give up on finding that realistic match.
For an educated woman, we want to simply find a partner that is independent in his financial stability and inclusive in his emotional and physical support. This sounds complicated but it’s actually quite simple. Its simple enough for you to google what it means and figure it out.
I have been on numerous dates within this year and they have all, with the exception of maybe two, sucked major ass. I have either not been physically attracted to them or extremely turned off by their ignorance and narcissism. I have even questioned myself as to whether or not I was a good match or even good at dating. I started to question myself because I noticed that I attracted certain men. I either attracted older men, who have been married twice and are near their first heart attack or I attract guys who are fascinated by a woman’s body image and his own selfishness.
So, I’ve decided to just be upfront while on a date to save time and effort from introducing myself to an asshole. Here are the five essential questions to ask while on a first date.
- How old are you? (Age helps with understanding his mentality)
- Who do you live with? (Understanding independence)
- Where do you work and is it full-time? (Understanding values)
- Do you have any children? (Possible baby mama issues)
- Do you drive and own a vehicle? (Understanding dependability)
I have often not asked these simple questions and have been bamboozled while in the relationship. There are different types of women and all women date differently. Some women are more tolerant of certain men and some women cringe at the thought of “taking care of a man”. I fit in the second category. This is not an attack on men because they are also women who fit in the same category.
If you are a no non-sense, take action kind of woman then this article is for you. You have goals, tasks to complete, people to network with, appointments to get to, homework to do, work (employer) to catch up on and errands to run. You have structure in your life and you really don’t have the patience to teach a “Man” how to date you. So, just weed through them all with the five essential dating application questions. You’re Welcome!
I used to think that I was extremely mean to guys and I did not give them a fair chance at shooting their shots. Now I know why I was mean! Guys want to shoot their shots even if you all are no longer on the same court.
Being cordial and being a complete jerk are two different things but they usually end up being one in the same. When it comes to most of my ex boyfriends, I mainly feel this way. PSA: I’m not interested in ever getting back with you so don’t even waste your time. I can be terribly pleasant to you and even entertain everyone amongst a group of friends. I can hold an influential conversation with you while reminiscing about the good old days of our past. Ohhh but please be conscious that I probably despise you and your lack of manhood.
If your relationship did not work out then that’s the end of that. What if it has been a few tears and both parties have seemingly changed? If this is the case then you should give it another chance. Great things happen with second and third chances. However, if you were given a fifth, sixth, seventh and eight chance then your ass should be put on the “DO NOT EVER THINK ABOUT OR CONTACT ME LIST”. Going back to an old relationship often gives one hope that things can revert back to the way they were. People often think about the good times and convincingly tends to have no recollection of the bad. When I’ve had more bad times than good; as the Spanish say, ADIOS!
I can count on my hands the number of times that I have gotten back with an ex. Be it for pleasure or because I truly had faith that it would work; I just can’t see myself repeating this same behavior. I don’t doubt that some of my ex-boyfriends are really good guys. I just don’t think that they have maturated in MEN.
I have been watching so much Oprah and Iyanla: Fix My Life that I truly believe that I have fixed myself and grown spiritually and mentally. I’m not a person of many chances but if you have somehow managed to get more than two chances out of me then you should know that you’re the asshole who messed up. I’m not perfect by an inch but I’m a decimal away from being the woman you wish you had.
Question at hand is: Have you taken an ex back and if so, why?
Interracial dating! That term has been known to scare a person without any fears. I simply don’t understand why. Dating is dating and loving someone is loving someone. Whether they are black, white, Asian or Arab; love is love and I love me some men.
So, why do people get so riled up about interracial dating? In the black culture, the black women often exercises her opinion of frustration and disappointment in black men dating white women. She often confides in her other girlfriends who coincidentally holds the same opinion as she does. What if this same woman finds herself a white man and falls madly in love? What does she do with him when she is around her friends.
A man is a man, no matter the color of his skin. He will make mistakes and say stupid things that makes your skin crawl. He will forget your big day and some of your greatest accomplishments. He might even forget to pick your daughter/son up from school. Point being: The conscience of a man does not differ based on the color of his skin. He will go on as any other man will.
Is there a stigma in the black community of black women dating white men? I’ve heard and read things such as, “She ain’t nothing but a gold digger”, “that’s a waste of melanin”, “Who she supposed to be” and “That ain’t gone last at all”. Why does one person’s love life bother you so much that you wish them nothing but the worst? Now, I would feel differently if it was a black woman who said she preferred white men. That would be something to really dig deep into.
It’s not a preference for many! It is simply acting on love! It is feeling the knot in the pit of your stomach and consciously deciding to untie it. The way my love life is set up: Any man with stability and dependability can come all the way over here.