Posted in The Truth

He’s Nice! I’m Still Not Interested!

There is a true complex when it comes to dating. There are the issues of communication, honesty, faithfulness, etc. Sometimes, you have all of these things and yet something still feels as if it is missing. That something is usually a real connection.

Inclusive of myself, the struggle with dating the nice guy is that there is usually a lack of connection. This is not to blame on the guy or girl but rather an issue that is self-reflective. Sometimes, you simply know what and who you are looking for. All of the time, you should know what you are attracted to.

Turning away the nice guy can seem very trivial to most because that is usually the guy who meets all of the criteria on your checklist. Your closest friends and family may even begin to judge you for your lack of consideration and letting go of a “Good Man”. However, you are the only person who truly know’s what it is that makes you happy and you will know when you feel it.

The nice guy pays for all of the dates, he picks you up, he sends flowers to your job and he is very respectful to you at all times. He plans ahead, he makes himself available when you need help and even wants to be the person you call first during trying times. It sounds perfect, except for the part where you simply don’t connect with him emotionally or physically. What do you do?

So many people force themselves into relationships because of the materialistic offerings. Also, so many people are miserable in these same relationships because they never really truly connected with their partner.

Don’t feel like you’re broken if you continue to date but usually are not interested in any of them. You’re not broken, you’re unique! You are one of the few people who really know what love is because you feel it before you see it.

Don’t settle for the guy because he is nice! Wait for your love! There is no telling how long the wait might be but when you feel it, everything is brighter. I’ve figured this out about myself. I’ve been on plenty of dates within the last eight months and not once have I felt connected to any of them. I thought something was wrong with me at first but I realized that I’m just a rare commodity.

I do not enter relationships based on what I see but rather what I feel. When I feel it, I will know.

Posted in The Truth

Growth, Is That You?

When you think of growth, you think of all sorts of things. Particularly, I think of the growth of one’s edges. I often like to welcome them back. In this instance, the type of growth that I’m referring to is maturity. When you look back on your younger self, are you embarrassed or ashamed of who you were then? I’ll raise my hand for all of you.

Being that I’m still young and under thirty, some people (Older) would probably disagree with growth at this age and reference that “I still have a lot to learn”. I won’t disagree with that part, however, I have learned a lot in the past five years about myself. Relationships, whether they are friendships, partnerships, or personal relationships, have been quite the area of growth for me. Let’s do a little bullet point presentation of some of the things that I’ve simply grown out of over the past five years.

  • Pleasing people
  • Caring
  • Fake friends
  • Broke ass dudes
  • Dudes with several children
  • Dudes with no jobs
  • Dudes with no ambition
  • Did I mention “Not giving a f**k about other’s opinions”

This list can literally go on into a dissertation entitled “How I Stopped Giving  A F**k and Stacked My Money Up”. Honestly, five years ago, I was a complete mess. I was very naive and easily manipulated. I was quick to please and slow to catch on. I wanted to please everyone around me and I wanted attention for all the wrong reasons. Fresh out of college, I found myself doing a lot of things that I now regret. I was dating the wrong guys and befriending some of the wrong people. Fast forward to five years later and I’m absolutely enamored with the woman who I’ve become. I know better and I do better; not because of wanting to please others but because better feels good to me.

I’m better in my friendships, partnerships, and I’m still growing in the relationship area. However, I know I’m better in that also. I’m doing better with those things. Maturity is one hell of a drug!

If you could give your 22/23-year-old self advice now, what would be the main point that you would want your younger self to know?

Posted in The Truth

#REALationshipGoals

If you’re reading this, I’m going to assume that you’re almost or over the age of thirty. Why would I assume this? Simply because I hope you know that you’re ALMOST THIRTY.

Everywhere you turn and every post that your scroll past, there it is. It stares you right in the face and sometimes it even taunts you. The simple hashtag “Relationship Goals” can undoubtedly ruin your day. Why is that? Why do we have such low expectations of partnerships? Just because you see a picture that portray’s happiness does not mean that it’s actually true. I simple despise that hashtag! Not because I’m jealous or scorned but simply because it’s just another marketing tool.

So many young people or people in general yearn for a relationship. Social media increases that desire with all the perfect pictures. That’s when things start to go left. Examples of “Relationship Goals” are plastered all over the internet and is reeling everyone in. Why do you have the same relationship goals as someone whom you’ve never met? I understand that we as a society idolize celebrities. I understand that celebrities are influential. However, I’m a bit confused as to why I would want the same kind of relationship as Drake and Rihanna or Ciara and Russell Wilson. I don’t personally know either of them and I don’t know what they do or how they interact with each other behind the camera’s.

You basically want someone to take pictures and stunt with on social media. You want to be seemingly happy. Does that mean that you’re OK with being alone while Facebook or Snapchat is not live? Do you actually know what you’re looking for in a relationship? Do you know who you are with or without a relationship? Who are you trying to impress? Do they even know you?

People have invested their time in your relationship via social media by liking all of your posts. Four months into the relationship, every picture of “Him” has vanished. You may not think it’s anyone else’s business but you owe every invested follower an explanation. What happened? I thought you all were “Relationship Goals”. Soon after, you find yourself in another relationship one month later and the hashtag resurfaces. It becomes a ploy. People start judging you and your social media becomes a platform for bullying.

It’s rarely about goals when you simply want to “Make Pretend”. If that’s the case, you should simply take a picture everywhere you go and make it #Lifegoals. Figure out who you are and what you like to do. Find something that sparks your interest and implement it into your life goals. Go traveling (around the world and not just to Miami), start a support group, write a book, direct a webseries, become a famous blogger, go back and finish school, reconnect with your childhood friend, etc.

Again, you’re almost thirty! Stop with the #RelationshipGoals and plan some #Lifegoals. It’s not cute nor attractive. Know who you are and what your limits are before you enter a relationship. Be sure that its REAL and then decide whether or not to share with the world.

Posted in 100, The Truth

Dating Application

Dating these days is like believing that you have a talent but you keep failing at it. You continuously are trying to figure out if you’re any good at it. For us women, it’s even harder trying to weed through the bad guys just to “settle” for a decent one. Sometimes, we simply give in and give up on finding that realistic match.

For an educated woman, we want to simply find a partner that is independent in his financial stability and inclusive in his emotional and physical support. This sounds complicated but it’s actually quite simple. Its simple enough for you to google what it means and figure it out.

I have been on numerous dates within this year and they have all, with the exception of maybe two, sucked major ass. I have either not been physically attracted to them or extremely turned off by their ignorance and narcissism. I have even questioned myself as to whether or not I was a good match or even good at dating. I started to question myself because I noticed that I attracted certain men. I either attracted older men, who have been married twice and are near their first heart attack or I attract guys who are fascinated by a woman’s body image and his own selfishness.

So, I’ve decided to just be upfront while on a date to save time and effort from introducing myself to an asshole. Here are the five essential questions to ask while on a first date.

  1. How old are you? (Age helps with understanding his mentality)
  2. Who do you live with? (Understanding independence)
  3. Where do you work and is it full-time? (Understanding values)
  4. Do you have any children? (Possible baby mama issues)
  5. Do you drive and own a vehicle? (Understanding dependability)

I have often not asked these simple questions and have been bamboozled while in the relationship. There are different types of women and all women date differently. Some women are more tolerant of certain men and some women cringe at the thought of “taking care of a man”. I fit in the second category. This is not an attack on men because they are also women who fit in the same category.

If you are a no non-sense, take action kind of woman then this article is for you. You have goals, tasks to complete, people to network with, appointments to get to, homework to do, work (employer) to catch up on and errands to run. You have structure in your life and you really don’t have the patience to teach a “Man” how to date you. So, just weed through them all with the five essential dating application questions. You’re Welcome!

Posted in 100, Weekly VIBEZ

My Name is Petty

Here is back to all the ex-boyfriend stuff but this time I’m serving a little tea. Now, I’m not the one to tell a tall tale but every now and then, I can’t help myself. I also believe that if you’re reading this then you have been guilty of doing the same thing. You’re guilty of being petty.

Picture this: Your boyfriend/girlfriend breaks up with you for unspecified reasons and you’re trying to deal with it. Some people self medicate, some people simply move on and others just hide it very well. The others who hide it very well are the one’s who are most guilty of being petty. Here are some things you do that make you this way.

  1. You remain friends on social media
  2. You immediately change their name in your phone (Bae=Bitch)
  3. You threaten your friends to break off any and all contact with him/her
  4. You social media stalk all their pages
  5. You post indirect Facebook statuses about them
  6. You now talk down about them to anyone willing to listen
  7. You post a lot of pictures looking good just for them to see

Petty runs in your blood and it probably runs deep. I would have never thought I would be this person but I guess this is what happens when you truly love someone. The part that often bothers me is the getting back with your ugly ex. It’s one thing that you dated such a person but it’s an entirely different circumstance when you see their posts about them being together again. That makes me think that you all were in contact while we were in a relationship. So, what’s a girl to do?

In the end, just know that you tried and it didn’t work out because it probably was not meant to be. The petty will come and go and for most people, it will stay. It’s all part of healing and getting over your broken heart. For the people who are not so good at showing emotion, they are suffering the worst. I can say that from experience. Until then, I will try to keep my petty in and my shade trapped.

Confession time!!!!  What’s the most petty thing you’ve done after a break-up?

Posted in 100, The Truth, Weekly VIBEZ

He’s White And I Still Like Him

Interracial dating! That term has been known to scare a person without any fears. I simply don’t understand why. Dating is dating and loving someone is loving someone. Whether they are black, white, Asian or Arab; love is love and I love me some men.

So, why do people get so riled up about interracial dating? In the black culture, the black women often exercises her opinion of frustration and disappointment in black men dating white women. She often confides in her other girlfriends who coincidentally holds the same opinion as she does. What if this same woman finds herself a white man and falls madly in love? What does she do with him when she is around her friends.

A man is a man, no matter the color of his skin. He will make mistakes and say stupid things that makes your skin crawl. He will forget your big day and some of your greatest accomplishments. He might even forget to pick your daughter/son up from school. Point being: The conscience of a man does not differ based on the color of his skin. He will go on as any other man will.

Is there a stigma in the black community of black women dating white men? I’ve heard and read things such as, “She ain’t nothing but a gold digger”, “that’s a waste of melanin”, “Who she supposed to be” and “That ain’t gone last at all”. Why does one person’s love life bother you so much that you wish them nothing but the worst? Now, I would feel differently if it was a black woman who said she preferred white men. That would be something to really dig deep into.

It’s not a preference for many! It is simply acting on love! It is feeling the knot in the pit of your stomach and consciously deciding to untie it. The way my love life is set up: Any man with stability and dependability can come all the way over here.

Posted in 100, The Truth, Weekly VIBEZ

He Cheated and I Saw Him

Friends! How many of us have them? That is the question that has been asked for over 20 years but no one has seemed to find a conclusive answer. When you have real friends, do you even know that they are your REAL friends. We are all waiting for the real answer but most importantly, the big question.

Picture this: You’re at a concert with a friend and the both of you are talking and laughing hysterically. One friend peeps something odd and grabs your arm tightly. You peep what the friend see’s and the both of you grab each other while simultaneously clutching your pearls. You saw it and you know you saw it because you could not have seen anything else.

You saw your mutual friend’s man walking past with another woman on his arm. You saw him caress the smalls of her back while staring you in the face. You saw him immediately put his head down and stare at the ground as he realized who you were. YOU SAW HIM! You saw him without your friend.

As true and real friends, you deliberate on whether to call up your girl and tell her what you saw. One person has been chosen to do the dirty deed. You decide to text because a phone conversation seems to scare you a little. You tell your friend about her cheating boyfriend and you describe the scenario from top to bottom.

You expect to be the shoulder that will be needed for comfort and instead you get “What was he wearing and what color were his shoes”. Bitch, I made a conscious decision to inform you about this no count dude and all you can ask about is the color of his shoes.

The boyfriend denies that it was ever him and the friend believes him. Once again, they are Facebook happy and all in love and shit. You are extremely livid, not because she took him back but simply because you are the most genuine and honest friend that she has and she called you a LIAR.

Question being: If you saw your friend’s spouse clearly cheating, would you tell your friend?