Posted in 100, Weekly VIBEZ

My Name is Petty

Here is back to all the ex-boyfriend stuff but this time I’m serving a little tea. Now, I’m not the one to tell a tall tale but every now and then, I can’t help myself. I also believe that if you’re reading this then you have been guilty of doing the same thing. You’re guilty of being petty.

Picture this: Your boyfriend/girlfriend breaks up with you for unspecified reasons and you’re trying to deal with it. Some people self medicate, some people simply move on and others just hide it very well. The others who hide it very well are the one’s who are most guilty of being petty. Here are some things you do that make you this way.

  1. You remain friends on social media
  2. You immediately change their name in your phone (Bae=Bitch)
  3. You threaten your friends to break off any and all contact with him/her
  4. You social media stalk all their pages
  5. You post indirect Facebook statuses about them
  6. You now talk down about them to anyone willing to listen
  7. You post a lot of pictures looking good just for them to see

Petty runs in your blood and it probably runs deep. I would have never thought I would be this person but I guess this is what happens when you truly love someone. The part that often bothers me is the getting back with your ugly ex. It’s one thing that you dated such a person but it’s an entirely different circumstance when you see their posts about them being together again. That makes me think that you all were in contact while we were in a relationship. So, what’s a girl to do?

In the end, just know that you tried and it didn’t work out because it probably was not meant to be. The petty will come and go and for most people, it will stay. It’s all part of healing and getting over your broken heart. For the people who are not so good at showing emotion, they are suffering the worst. I can say that from experience. Until then, I will try to keep my petty in and my shade trapped.

Confession time!!!!  What’s the most petty thing you’ve done after a break-up?

Posted in The Truth, Weekly VIBEZ

An X is an EX

I used to think that I was extremely mean to guys and I did not give them a fair chance at shooting their shots. Now I know why I was mean! Guys want to shoot their shots even if you all are no longer on the same court.

Being cordial and being a complete jerk are two different things but they usually end up being one in the same. When it comes to most of my ex boyfriends, I mainly feel this way. PSA: I’m not interested in ever getting back with you so don’t even waste your time. I can be terribly pleasant to you and even entertain everyone amongst a group of friends. I can hold an influential conversation with you while reminiscing about the good old days of our past. Ohhh but please be conscious that I probably despise you and your lack of manhood.

If your relationship did not work out then that’s the end of that. What if it has been a few tears and both parties have seemingly changed? If this is the case then you should give it another chance. Great things happen with second and third chances. However, if you were given a fifth, sixth, seventh and eight chance then your ass should be put on the “DO NOT EVER THINK ABOUT OR CONTACT ME LIST”. Going back to an old relationship often gives one hope that things can revert back to the way they were. People often think about the good times and convincingly tends to have no recollection of the bad. When I’ve had more bad times than good; as the Spanish say, ADIOS!

I can count on my hands the number of times that I have gotten back with an ex. Be it for pleasure or because I truly had faith that it would work; I just can’t see myself repeating this same behavior. I don’t doubt that some of my ex-boyfriends are really good guys. I just don’t think that they have maturated in MEN.

I have been watching so much Oprah and Iyanla: Fix My Life that I truly believe that I have fixed myself and grown spiritually and mentally. I’m not a person of many chances but if you have somehow managed to get more than two chances out of me then you should know that you’re the asshole who messed up. I’m not perfect by an inch but I’m a decimal away from being the woman you wish you had.

Question at hand is: Have you taken an ex back and if so, why?

Posted in The Truth, Weekly VIBEZ

Young Black Women and the Power Complex

Your alarm clock goes off at 6 am, as you roll over and smash the snooze button. You look at the ceiling as you whisper, “Fuck that job”. You get up anyway and get ready for a good day’s work. When you arrive to work, it’s generally a good morning especially since you’ve had a good cup of brew.

In walks Donna, your supervisor, who happens to be a black woman! NO good morning, no how’s everybody doing, and definitely no noticing that other people exist. That’s when you know what kind of day it’s going to be.

You’re sitting at your desk, doing actual work, and you get called into the supervisor’s office. For what? No clear answer!

Personally, I have noticed a few differences about working with black women who have positions of higher authority in the workplace. Black women ages 25-40 are moving upwards in their companies ranking. The positions of supervisor, director, manager or coordinator are an automatic ego boost and they use these positions to garner control over their employee’s. You can voice a concern but it is overlooked because you are less than 30 and apparently oblivious to all things sensible. If you are very outspoken or personable, then you become a target. You are singled out all the time and micromanagement ensues and literally brings you to your boiling point.

Younger black women seem to think that everything at work is a competition. From the clothes they wear to their hairstyles, it is no longer about work but rather, do I look better than her? If you are secure in yourself and your supervisor is not, it becomes a personal issue. You don’t understand why you are being bullied or harassed by your supervisor but you keep hearing rumors. “Donna is mad that the new girl came in and all the attention is on her now. Donna told Tiffany that the new girl was sleeping with Chris”. You learn that your supervisor has been trying to get with Chris for a year and you come in and grab his attention in 3 months. Apparently, holding conversation with a male co-worker means that you are screwing him. Are you supposed to be less personable to please your supervisor? I THINK NOT!

It is no longer an issue of work but becomes a personal issue. Young black women hate to admit it but they have a jealousy complex with their counterpart. You are automatically profiled and put into a box. It becomes an issue of jealousy from the start. If you have a beaming personality but your manager has self-esteem issues, you will suffer. Seemingly, you can’t be the new girl at work that everyone gets along with. That’s a blow to your manager’s self-esteem and her level of jealousy rises.

Do you know Miss Petty who lives on Shade Lane? Every other Friday, there is a mandatory staff meeting. This meeting addresses rules at work, better managing your workload, and rumors. The supervisor is addressing rumors but never uses a specific name. You feel as if she is talking about you. What happens when the outspoken new girl raises her hand to address the rumor with her supervisor? The meeting is suddenly adjourned and the pettiness begins. You have been subjected to supervisions, written up for being disrespectful and have been issued a new set of work rules, all within a week. Your other co-workers have no clue about supervisions and that’s when you figure out

that it’s just you. You have to check in twice a day, you have been told to move your desk, and you are no longer allowed to converse with male employees. Where in the handbook are these specific rules because I did not see them?

These kinds of issues carry over into your personal life because it lingers throughout your daily thoughts. It becomes a challenge trying to separate work from your personal life. Every day, you find yourself coming home to a nice big glass of wine. You consult with your friends and learn that you are in fact the target.

No person wants to deal with this every work day. It’s stressful, overwhelming and becomes the deciding factor in only wanting to work with a specific race of women. It is not just the one experience but becomes another to add to the list.

This is not to say that all young black women behave this way in the workplace but rather to focus on the issue of those that do. What is the real issue?