Posted in The Truth

“Dear Dad” Monolouge

Kerry- 18 y/o male of mixed descent, sits at his desk in his dorm room and pens a letter to his dad.

Dear Mom, (Rips paper out of notebook and balls it up)

Kerry

Dear Dad,

Not to long ago you asked me why I no longer speak to you. I remember seeing you with this guy. I remember seeing him move his lips. I remember seeing you punch him in the chest. Then I heard what you told him. You called him scum and you spit in his face. I wanted so badly to know what this guy had said to make you disappear and have this stranger appear. What did this normal looking guy or……just human being say to you to turn you into a monster? Huh, Dad? I remember running into this guy and he remembered me. I asked him what went wrong! What did he say to you! He said: Dear Dad, I’m gay! And when I told you this, you called me scum and spit in my face. I don’t talk to you because all gay people are contagious and I’m afraid you will contract what I have. LOVE!

Posted in The Truth

“I WISH”

I wish I could love

I wish my heart wasn’t chained around a fence made of steel that has rusted away

I wish I could love

I wish my heart understood what my mind was saying but all I can hear is recalculating

I wish I could feel

If only my heart could feel the constant “I love You” instead of allowing the barbed wire to cut it off

I wish I could feel

If only my heart was as big as my personality then maybe it wouldn’t be so afraid to open up

I wish I wasn’t scared

If only my heart didn’t fear safety then maybe I would have a better understanding of security

I wish I wasn’t scared

If only my heart would beat every three seconds then maybe I would believe that the third time is really a charm

I wish my heart knew

If only my heart understood that love is a four letter word and not a four step process

I wish my heart knew

If only my heart knew what your’s did

Wishes

Posted in The Truth

The Truth

Listen

Listen! Turn off everything and just listen!  What do you hear?

My silence speaks so loud that it embarrasses me. I can’t control the sudden outburst of silence. I can’t stand the belligerent rampages that silence insist on putting on.

Listen! Turn on everything and just listen! What do you hear?

My loudness is so boring. It has no life. I hear nothing but joy and happiness. The settling of loudness that enters my ears is too low. Why is loud so low? I can’t hear! Turn it up, please!

Listen! Just sit where you are and listen. What just happened to you?

The reality of my imagination just settled. I feel like I can do more but I always choose less. My mind is screaming for me to be brave but my mouth won’t open up.

Listen! Survey your surroundings! What did you observe?My goals have been conversing with me as I continuously ignore them. I have been a terrible pursuer. I sit and stare at my goals daily, failing to reach them, not realizing because my mirror reflects differently.

Listen! Just listen! How do you listen? What are you listening to? When do you listen?

Silence sickens me because it’s so loud. I have no choice however but to listen.

via The Truth.

Posted in The Truth

The Truth

Always

A combustion of thoughts cloud my head. A faded memory of what was once the most memorable night of my life. I close my eyes and it’s instantly a kaleidoscope of colors. My thoughts now become void. I only wanted validation from him. A vacuous feeling swarms around me and finally reaches it’s destination, my heart. My body was once full of fervor for him but had now become destitute. I needed that feeling again. The fullness of life within me. I needed the combustion of fireworks. So vulnerable yet complex. An incredulous wall protected his heart. I was once the code to his secured heart. A one way connection to his collection of his writings that are on display for the world to see. I follow them waiting to become part of the collection.  I want to regain that feeling any way that I can. I want his touch. One day I will capture his heart and reclaim what I lost. I will capture his heart and hold it hostage for my soul.

Posted in The Truth

STUCK

You know that weird feeling in the pit of your stomach? The feeling that you have when you’ve done something wrong! “Why is the sky moving so fast”, paranoia feeling. Well, do you know that feeling? Further details provided below.

One day, I’m sitting in the house binge watching all three season’s of United States of Tara and the next minute I’m crying because I just wanted an anchor. I just wanted someone to hold me down.

There he was, standing at my front door, waiting to taste the rum and coke on my tongue. He grabbed me swiftly and kissed me passionately, I saw dogs peddling on scooters and Ellen Degeneres in a real dress. It was something like I had never imagined. He held the smalls of my back and caressed my neck as if he was ready to say “I Do”. I kissed him back so good that I felt him stumble. Or maybe he just lost his balance!

Then I got that feeling. The “Why is the Sahara Dessert so lonely and dry” feeling. The “Why are there no purple cats in the world” feeling, It was a feeling of complete paranoia. It was as if my gut had just fallen out of my mind. I was head over heels.

We stopped! Well, I stopped before he went to far and like a gentleman, he stopped and escorted himself out. I closed my door behind him and stood in the middle of my kitchen floor wondering why were red spots floating through the air. This weird thing that had suddenly taken over me, that made me feel zombie like, or vampire in love was actually love. I had the best face sucking contest with this MAN and he made me fall in love with his kiss.

I was stuck! Stuck in the middle of my floor! Stuck in love!

Kiss