You can’t find happiness within a person but you can experience it within yourself. Happiness is not found in people and you lie to yourself when you state that a person can make you happy or completes you. No one person or any amount of people can make you feel something that you have to experience for yourself. If you are not already at a place of peace or joy then you can’t blame someone for something YOU ALONE are responsible for finding within YOU.

The ever so tiring relationship memes about finding happiness within him/her and how you expect it to happen is pure foolery. If you don’t feel a sense of accomplishment or completeness within yourself then how do you expect another person to make YOU feel that? What is it that makes you happy? The falsehoods that society dishes out as “Happiness” is just that, FALSEHOODS. You can’t place blame on someone else for something that you have yet to figure out for yourself. It is your responsibility to dig deep within your psyche and compile information on your destiny.

It is a burden to place your weight of life upon someone else. It is a burden to store your unknown’s in someone else’s space. It is a burden to place your life items in someone else’s basket. The key word in all of this is YOUR. It belongs to you. You are the sole owner of your things. Therefore, you have to complete your own journey to solely find your happiness.

When you become angry with someone for not making you happy, you are internally blaming yourself for not knowing what completes you. Outwardly, your mate seems to be the end of the line but inwardly, you have never known your beginning. You don’t really know what motivates you, what drives you, what makes you feel secure or wanted, or even what makes you feel accomplished. What you do know is that you have learned how to place blame on someone else for finding something that you lost.

YOUR HAPPINESS IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. You will not find it within another person but you can connect with someone who has found their own happiness. Take some time off from the constant distractions of the world and figure out what your happiness looks and feels like.

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Growth is inevitable and some people won’t be able to understand that. You don’t have to explain to someone why you no longer desire to stoop to their level of being. You have simply experienced the spirit of growth. What you used to love is now something that you can barely tolerate. Don’t doubt that you’ve grown.

You will definitely be called lame, old, boring, or different. You might find yourself sitting alone on your couch trying to figure out if you did something wrong. You might feel guilty about no speaking about your feelings out loud to that particular group of people or person. You owe no explanation other than, “I’ve outgrown you”.

It’s not something to be afraid of. Activities that used to highly entertain you now feel like a chore or obligation. You would rather stay home, cook, and catch up on some of your favorite shows. You now actually would rather just chill at your best friends house and have pizza and beer. That’s your new type of entertainment.

There are certain people that you don’t like being around anymore. They drain all of your energy. They make you feel parental with all of their burdens that they place on you. You feel incompetent at times because of how they choose to speak to you or how they never own up to anything. You’re not better than them. You have simply outgrown them. Your tolerance for ignorance and susceptibility has depleted. The energy that you have now is something that you must preserve.

If you find yourself always questioning your decisions when “That person or those people” are around then it’s time to move on from them. You don’t even question yourself that much. Have you realized that you have been more of the stable friend versus the other way around? Can you depend on that person as much as they depend on you? Will they show up for you as much as you show up for them?

You are not meant to stay stagnant all of your life. Growth is the next step on your journey of finding your inner and outer peace. Accepting that some people will not continue on that journey with you is going to be difficult. If you love yourself then you will find the strength and courage to move on.

It’s a new year which means that you should be working to renew your outlook on life. Those daily struggles that seem to follow you around don’t have to be the downfall of you. Do you know that getting help or retaining counseling is perfectly fine. Don’t ever let yourself get to the point where you just absolutely want to give in and give up. Help is on the way. Check out my trailer on my upcoming short film “SPACE” that details the struggles of a therapist battling with her own mental health issues.

Love is in the air and people are breathing it all in. Or maybe that was just a thought of mine! More and more, I’m beginning to see that a lot of millennials are getting married. The pictures seem to prove a thousand different words with images that appear to capture the pure essence of love. That or either it’s simply just a picture.

On three separate occasions, I have been informed of the truth of what looked like a “Happy” marriage. This time, it’s the men that are proving to be unhappy. When asked why they went through with the marriage, each man responded by saying that “He thought it was the right thing to do”. All under thirty, each man admitted to feeling miserable in his marriage.

Each guy said he felt pressured by his or her family to go through with the wedding. He didn’t want to disappoint anyone. Neither man ever thought about whether or not he was disappointing himself. Going into a marriage based on pleasing others can lead to a destructive union.

When I think of marriage, I genuinely think about the rest of my life. I imagine myself to live until I’m ninety-nine years old. I visualize myself resting in a hammock near a great body of water at the age of fifty. I know for a fact that I will take my retirement money and cruise around the world. When it comes to marriage, I simply want to do all of these things with someone who satisfies my soul.

I was also told that marriage was a business. Although I’m not married, marriage should not be a business. If you enter into a marriage with that concept then that’s how it will turn out. Sometimes, businesses fail and you don’t always want to resurrect them. You might have a new idea and move on to it. Is that how you’re going to treat your marriage?

When marrying someone else becomes the “Right thing to do”, it becomes the wrong life to live. What happens when you’re no longer physically or emotionally attracted to your partner? You stay and then what? You live in misery and then what? You fall into a deep depression and then what? You lose yourself and you believe that love does not exist.

Before you propose, because it’s the right thing to do, think about the rest of your life. How long do you see yourself living? What are your plans for when you turn sixty-five? Do you truly want to spend that time with the person that you’re either married to or plan on proposing to? If you’re in a marriage now because it was the right thing to do, are you happy? Have you ever been?

It’s OK to admit the truth to yourself. That’s where you have to begin. It’s OK if things don’t work out. That’s you taking steps towards your own happiness. It’s OK for you to do what’s right for you. That’s living your best life! 

What is the right thing to do? Societal pressures and familial traditions! Often times, we think that following in the foot steps of family or proving to be better than someone else is what’s right. Only you can determine what’s right for YOU because YOU know yourself better than anyone else. What feels right to you? When you figure it out then you will understand that that’s the right thing to do.

There is a true complex when it comes to dating. There are the issues of communication, honesty, faithfulness, etc. Sometimes, you have all of these things and yet something still feels as if it is missing. That something is usually a real connection.

Inclusive of myself, the struggle with dating the nice guy is that there is usually a lack of connection. This is not to blame on the guy or girl but rather an issue that is self-reflective. Sometimes, you simply know what and who you are looking for. All of the time, you should know what you are attracted to.

Turning away the nice guy can seem very trivial to most because that is usually the guy who meets all of the criteria on your checklist. Your closest friends and family may even begin to judge you for your lack of consideration and letting go of a “Good Man”. However, you are the only person who truly know’s what it is that makes you happy and you will know when you feel it.

The nice guy pays for all of the dates, he picks you up, he sends flowers to your job and he is very respectful to you at all times. He plans ahead, he makes himself available when you need help and even wants to be the person you call first during trying times. It sounds perfect, except for the part where you simply don’t connect with him emotionally or physically. What do you do?

So many people force themselves into relationships because of the materialistic offerings. Also, so many people are miserable in these same relationships because they never really truly connected with their partner.

Don’t feel like you’re broken if you continue to date but usually are not interested in any of them. You’re not broken, you’re unique! You are one of the few people who really know what love is because you feel it before you see it.

Don’t settle for the guy because he is nice! Wait for your love! There is no telling how long the wait might be but when you feel it, everything is brighter. I’ve figured this out about myself. I’ve been on plenty of dates within the last eight months and not once have I felt connected to any of them. I thought something was wrong with me at first but I realized that I’m just a rare commodity.

I do not enter relationships based on what I see but rather what I feel. When I feel it, I will know.

When you think of growth, you think of all sorts of things. Particularly, I think of the growth of one’s edges. I often like to welcome them back. In this instance, the type of growth that I’m referring to is maturity. When you look back on your younger self, are you embarrassed or ashamed of who you were then? I’ll raise my hand for all of you.

Being that I’m still young and under thirty, some people (Older) would probably disagree with growth at this age and reference that “I still have a lot to learn”. I won’t disagree with that part, however, I have learned a lot in the past five years about myself. Relationships, whether they are friendships, partnerships, or personal relationships, have been quite the area of growth for me. Let’s do a little bullet point presentation of some of the things that I’ve simply grown out of over the past five years.

  • Pleasing people
  • Caring
  • Fake friends
  • Broke ass dudes
  • Dudes with several children
  • Dudes with no jobs
  • Dudes with no ambition
  • Did I mention “Not giving a f**k about other’s opinions”

This list can literally go on into a dissertation entitled “How I Stopped Giving  A F**k and Stacked My Money Up”. Honestly, five years ago, I was a complete mess. I was very naive and easily manipulated. I was quick to please and slow to catch on. I wanted to please everyone around me and I wanted attention for all the wrong reasons. Fresh out of college, I found myself doing a lot of things that I now regret. I was dating the wrong guys and befriending some of the wrong people. Fast forward to five years later and I’m absolutely enamored with the woman who I’ve become. I know better and I do better; not because of wanting to please others but because better feels good to me.

I’m better in my friendships, partnerships, and I’m still growing in the relationship area. However, I know I’m better in that also. I’m doing better with those things. Maturity is one hell of a drug!

If you could give your 22/23-year-old self advice now, what would be the main point that you would want your younger self to know?

If you’re reading this, I’m going to assume that you’re almost or over the age of thirty. Why would I assume this? Simply because I hope you know that you’re ALMOST THIRTY.

Everywhere you turn and every post that your scroll past, there it is. It stares you right in the face and sometimes it even taunts you. The simple hashtag “Relationship Goals” can undoubtedly ruin your day. Why is that? Why do we have such low expectations of partnerships? Just because you see a picture that portray’s happiness does not mean that it’s actually true. I simple despise that hashtag! Not because I’m jealous or scorned but simply because it’s just another marketing tool.

So many young people or people in general yearn for a relationship. Social media increases that desire with all the perfect pictures. That’s when things start to go left. Examples of “Relationship Goals” are plastered all over the internet and is reeling everyone in. Why do you have the same relationship goals as someone whom you’ve never met? I understand that we as a society idolize celebrities. I understand that celebrities are influential. However, I’m a bit confused as to why I would want the same kind of relationship as Drake and Rihanna or Ciara and Russell Wilson. I don’t personally know either of them and I don’t know what they do or how they interact with each other behind the camera’s.

You basically want someone to take pictures and stunt with on social media. You want to be seemingly happy. Does that mean that you’re OK with being alone while Facebook or Snapchat is not live? Do you actually know what you’re looking for in a relationship? Do you know who you are with or without a relationship? Who are you trying to impress? Do they even know you?

People have invested their time in your relationship via social media by liking all of your posts. Four months into the relationship, every picture of “Him” has vanished. You may not think it’s anyone else’s business but you owe every invested follower an explanation. What happened? I thought you all were “Relationship Goals”. Soon after, you find yourself in another relationship one month later and the hashtag resurfaces. It becomes a ploy. People start judging you and your social media becomes a platform for bullying.

It’s rarely about goals when you simply want to “Make Pretend”. If that’s the case, you should simply take a picture everywhere you go and make it #Lifegoals. Figure out who you are and what you like to do. Find something that sparks your interest and implement it into your life goals. Go traveling (around the world and not just to Miami), start a support group, write a book, direct a webseries, become a famous blogger, go back and finish school, reconnect with your childhood friend, etc.

Again, you’re almost thirty! Stop with the #RelationshipGoals and plan some #Lifegoals. It’s not cute nor attractive. Know who you are and what your limits are before you enter a relationship. Be sure that its REAL and then decide whether or not to share with the world.